What Ever You Do, Do NOT Read This Fanfiction
by purplesparkleypanda
Summary: I'm warning you . . . it's a strange creation that was a result of eating too much Easter candy. For the summary . . . I guess you could call it HSM on drugs.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED . . . Didn't you read the title? **

**And yet you keep reading. **

**Just don't say I didn't warn you . . . **

**So what are you doing reading this fanfiction when I gave you ample warning not to? **

**I'm going to warn you.**

**It may be shocking.**

**It may scare you.**

**It may give you nightmares.**

**It might make you laugh so hard you die.**

**It might even taste really good. **

**But who can say? Easter candy makes me hyper.**

Like many fanfictions, this one starts off with Gabriella and Troy talking at school.

"Troy, what do you think about radios?" Gabriella asked, crossing her eyes.

"I don't like them as much as farm animals," Troy decided.

Gabriella chose to stand on her head as a group of random vegetables entered the room and started to do the Cha-Cha Slide.

Suddenly, there was an announcement on the loud speaker, "School is cancelled for the rest of the day so I can go home and water my dandelions," the principal explained.

"The princi-_pal _sure is my _pal,_" Troy decided, picking up Gabriella's shoes and dialing Chad's phone number.

"Hey Troy," Chad said, "I'm at my grandma's house and we're sewing quilts!"

"Do you want to hang out with me and Gabriella later?" Troy decided, spitting out the dirt from Gabriella's shoe that had gotten in his mouth.

"Sure . . . can my grandma come?" Chad asked shyly.

"Of course," Troy decided, "Meet me at the mall in one hour and bring a pound of ham and a video camera."

"Hello," Chad said, hanging up the phone.

And so they met at the mall. Gabriella was now parallel to the ground. Troy had brought along a live goat and a scale, and Chad and his grandma brought the ham and the camera.

Troy snatched the ham from Chad and placed it on the scale. He tingled with delight and giggled like the little princess he was because it truly was exactly one pound.

Troy fed the goat the ham, and the three friends (and the grandma!) ate the video camera in peace.

**The End!**

**A/N: Well . . . that was a very happy ending, I know.**

**If you were scared, I promise to never eat candy again.**

**But if you liked it . . . should I write another chapter?**


	2. LEMONADE!

**A/N:Why are you still reading this story? Didn't I warn you countless times? Didn't you see how utterly strange the first chapter was?**

**And yet you keep reading.**

**And if you're reading . . . I'm writing.**

**The tally is this: Thirteen people out of fourteen seemed to like this story, so it looks like there is now a chapter two! I'm fully stocked candy-wise.**

So there is an East High School right? So there must be a West High, a South High, and a North High as well no?

One day, Troy and Gabriella went in search of these other three schools. The journey was a long and hard one. They were determined not to get lost, so Gabriella left a trail of baby diapers behind them as they walked.

The baby diapers were not used . . . (be happy about that!). So the two friends walked through the jungle and came to a large rainbow house with plaid designs on it. For some reason, Gabriella thought it was her house, so she just barged in through the door.

"LEMONADE!" she screamed, like so did everyday when she got home from school.

Troy shook his head left and right, but ironically laughed. Gabriella was such a silly monkey.

They walked into the kitchen where there were three bears standing. The first bear came up to Troy and started to smell him. Gabriella thought it was funny, so she started to break dance with one of the other bears. This bears name was Fredrick.

The last bear stared blankly into the wall, and keep prank calling Pizza Hut.

Soon, the bears were bored so they decided to play Game Cube. Fredrick stuffed Troy into the Game Cube and pressed play. Then they were able to watch the Simpsons.

Troy was so much fun to watch, Gabriella decided to make some cereal. She crawled into the oven, and one bear turned it on.

They ate Gabriella, and she was delicious.

That night, there were a lot of jungle animals running around in diapers, and the police didn't know why.

Apparently they never found West High, South High, and North High. But Chad's Grandma did!

THE END

**A/N: Feel free to leave whatever review you want, because whatever you say, I will still write another chapter! MUWHAHAHA!**

**P.S. The point of this story is to be stupid and pointless, so by telling me it is stupid and pointless, I guess I am fulfilling my goal! **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: _IF YOU READ MY PROFILE, YOU CAN SEE SPECULATED PLOT SUMMARIES AND RUMORS FOR HSM 2, AND A SHORT SPECULATED PLOT FOR HSM 3_.**

**Right now, I only have about 20 minutes of precious computer time left, so I figure . . . why not write another chapter of this loveliness? Someone asked why I would write another chapter when Gabriella died in the other one. Well . . . as you can see, the impossible happens in this story.**

**I'm just wondering why you are still reading it. **

Once upon a bottle of Loreal Shampoo, Sharpay Evans went on the four-o-clock bus. She wished since she was young that she could have a moustache, so she taped a banana to her face.

She finally reached the hole in the ground (also known as her house, also known as her secret lair) and she floated upside down in her bat-like position to watch the Lord of the Rings.

"Can I have one of those cookies?" Troy decided, popping up out of nowhere.

"Tres bein," Sharpay said, granting his request with a wave of her magic wand.

Chad's grandmother soon came over bearing beef stew, so the three friends and a guest named Rocco the Mexican fish ate it as gravy on top of their cellular devices.

Soon, Sharpay decided that she really needed to go to the bathroom, so she grabbed a spoon and flew (literally) to the kitchen sink to brush her teeth.

The party guests decided that they were in need of some beverages, so they just drank an expired carton of eggnog they found under Sharpay's refrigerator. Only Sharpay knew it wasn't really eggnog . . . but she drank it anyway.

The CIA suddenly burst into the party! Sharpay was so happy, she offered them some eggnog. They had only come to arrest Rocco for plagiarism, so they gave him his dollar back. The CIA formed a circle, and proceeded to do the hokey-pokey.

Chad's grandma produced her large, extensive collection of beach towels. A small rabbit named Ryan was living under the beach towels. Sharpay coughed and it magically turned into Mrs. Darbus.

But . . . Mrs. Darbus had surgically removed the 'Dar' from her name, and now she was to be called Mrs. Bus. She can be seen on the streets in her double-decker form on most rainy days.

**A/N: How was that for weird? I am so excited about HSM 2! So . . . maybe I'll update one of my serious stories tomorrow. If not, I'll post another chapter of this fun stuff! **


	4. An Apple a Day Keeps the Breakfast Away

**_A/N: Five hundred, twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes! – RENT!_**

**Don't ask, it was the first song that popped into my head. I'm on a roll with this weird stuff, so I'm not stopping anytime soon. One reviewer said that the title makes people want to read it, so I guess that's why anyone really bothers. ANYWAY . . . I promise this one will make absolutely no sense what-so-ever.**

"THE FARMER IN THE DELL, THE FARMER IN THE DELL, HI-HO THE DAIRY-OH, THE FARMER IN THE DELL!" Ryan sang on his way to golf practice.

He reached the church, so now he was allowed to eat his Big Mac. He started to rap like his idol Nelly, and a crowd gathered around him. Sharpay came up to the stoplight and pressed the explode button, so there was a large traffic jam. Since there was jam, she might as well have some peanut butter and make an entire sandwich.

Suddenly, the small chipmunks leaped from the tall buildings because they thought they were Spiderman. Actually, Troy was really Spiderman, but he changed his name to Darth Ostrich. He was the lead singer of a band as well. The band was called "Hole in My Socks." They had a one-hit wonder, and they kept trying to make come backs, but all the members ended up dying tragic deaths such as getting poisoned by an alien skunks.

As all this was going on, Kelsi decided it was her turn to get in on the action. She threw coffee on a nearby carnival worker, so the Ferris wheel started to run away with all of the little children still dancing on it. Taylor was on this wheel, and so she jumped off and landed on a couch that was conveniently placed outside city hall.

Chad's grandma organized a Pilates group on the top of East High. It was so popular with all of the pirates, that they had to make trips to the local aquarium.

Since the town was in such havoc, the Powerpuff Girls were called to the scene of the crime. They were only small kindergarten girls, so they weren't able to do much! They needed to call the real superhero!

His name was . . . SEWAGE MAN! He had the power to make all of the sewage in the city come out of the pipes and clean up the town. He did this with a straw.

Once the monkey was back in his cage, he was able to create his Play-Doh sculptures again with the help of his assistant, Pinocchio.

Ryan led a goat on a leash around town to signify the safety of the town. Troy was so happy because he strongly enjoys farm animals. As soon as the coast was clear, they were able to send in the donuts.

**A/N: Now that that chapter is over with . . . don't you just feel happy? **

**My life is complete . . . but I'm not done with this yet. **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Goat cheese, FLAMING goat cheese. It's called goat cheese. I love goat cheese. It's a goat cheese life, full of goat cheese. **

It was a dark, stormy night. One shadowy figure could be seen if you squinted really hard and when your eyes eventually got used to how dark it was outside. Anyway, there was defiantly a shadowy figure creepy around the shadows.

Zeke was nervous as he walked in the night. He was so scared because he thought something was going to jump out and grab him!

Suddenly, something jumped out and grabbed him!

But . . . it was just Chad's grandma of course! When Chad's grandma was around, every thing was sparkly and clean. Soon, everything turned light outside again! There were puppies and kids and cats and gold fish and balloon animals and graham crackers.

Then there were trapeze artists! It was so cool! Then we flew into the bank and picked up a double cheeseburger for Troy. It had fresh crayons, a pack of hot dogs, and some garden fresh melons on it. Gabriella's toast contained margarine.

One small child in the storm walked on. He kept walking. Zeke kept walking because it was dark again, uh oh! But he had enough time to wave at the storks and all of the children they were carrying to put on people's doorsteps.

_Uh oh . . . time for a commercial break!_

_Gabriella ran out onto the television screen! _

"_CARPET CAPERS CARPET CAPERS CARPET CAPERS!" she exclaimed._

_Then she jumped out of the TV! So then the commercial ended._

Since the commercial break was over, she jumped into your living room!

"Wow! It's Gabriella from High School Musical!" you exclaimed.

"BEEEEEEEEEFFFFF!" she screamed, jumping out the window and roaming the streets.

Uh oh . . . she ran into ZEKE! ZEKE WAS SO SCARED HE WAS IN CAPSLOCK! IT WAS A WILD GABRIELLA! HE CALLED THE CROCODILLE HUNTER TO TAKE CARE OF THE PROBLEM. BUT . . . UH OH! HE WAS ON VACATION!

SO INSTEAD HE JUST TOOK GABRIELLA BY THE EAR AND DRAGGED HER TO THE GARBAGE DUMP. HE WAITED THERE UNTIL THE CAPSLOCK WAS GONE!

**A/N: Yes that was a very special chapter because you were in it! Lol Maybe I'll make an appearance in the next one, or pick a random reviewer. **


	6. ENGLISH HW PROCRASTINATION

**A/N: This chapter will officially be known as English homework procrastination. **

**someone hands over a trophy**

**Me: I'd like to thank all the reviewers out there, for reading this story, and for some reason liking it. Hi Mom!**

**walks off stage and trips**

**Yep.**

Chapter Six (plus 4353456456)

Hey look over there! It's all the reviewers from my fanfiction! I waved at them!

And look! Haunted Whisperer is waving a . . . flag? I believe she is whispering!

And look! It's Troy! He's throwing a large buffalo out the window! That silly Troy! Be careful with that buffalo!

And look! It's CHAD'S GRANDMA WHO'S CAUGHT A HORRIBLE CASE OF THE CAPSLOCK! OH NO! WE SHOULD GIVE HER SOME ASPARAGUS TO MAKE HER FEEL BETTER! That's better.

And LOOK! It's Zeke! Zeke is sitting in a pile of old laundry singing the Star-Spangled Banner! Wow, who knew he was such a horrible singer!

And look! It's Mike! He's eating Graham Crackers! UH OH! THE CAPSLOCK IS ON! OH NO MIKE! DON'T BE A CANNIBLE! SAVE YOURSELF FROM THE DREADED CAPSLOCK DISEASE!

And Look! It's lipshake! That sounds like a SONG!

_There was a garbage man who had a small orchid, and lipshake was its name –O! L-I-P-S-H-A-K-E, L-I-P-S-H-A-K-E, L-I-P-S-H-A-K-E, and L-I-P-S-H-A-K-E was in the HOUSE._

And Look! It appears to be . . . a smurf? OMG! I love smurfs! They are so smurfy. My favorite is the cooking one. The smurf turned brown and ran on the ocean like Jesus, and danced the rain dance to create more cheese.

HOLY COW! It's MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! runs away and hides

Hey look! It's Gabriella! She appears to be . . . running . . . off a cliff! Uh oh, it's a cliffhanger!

**A/N: Yes that was random, and probably not as funny as the other chapter, but hey, I tried people. **


	7. The Apple Juice is coming!

**GUESS WHAT?**

**Chicken BUTT!**

Chapter 7: The Obscurity Continues

So now that the story somewhat has a point (not), and that I'm finally updating, I think that it shall continue (duh)!

When we last left off, there was a cliffhanger. But . . . let's forget about the cliffhanger. Close your eyes and imagine you are on a deserted island . . . on a knightly quest such as one would have during the medieval times. Good.

Chad's grandma loved pork. She loved it so much; she went to hunt for wild pork. The large cutlets of pork were running around the basketball diamond when suddenly, there was a cry for help!

Who can we call? Who else would we call except Ghostbusters?

As soon as the Ghostbusters came, they searched year-round for a slightly distorted mountain lion that was on the brink of cool.

As soon as Troy jumped into the picture, he became bald. Gabriella sniffed around for his hair as soon as humanly possible. She never could, because she couldn't do anything humanly possible.

She was actually from . . . PLUTO! She was an alien so Troy took a skin sample and tested her genetic make-up under a self-proclaimed microscope.

The beetle was so large; Chad had to use a golf club to yank it from his ear.

Once upon a time, Chad's grandma loved pork. She loved it so much; she went to hunt for wild pork. The large cutlets of pork were running around the basketball diamond when suddenly, there was a cry for help!

Who would we call? Uh . . . Ghostbusters?

Um . . . no. Stop having a conversation with the story or the evil Dr. Draken will get Kim Possible to turn the story into caps lock.

Dr Draken? Who's that?

OH NO NOT CAPSLOCK! I FOREVER DESPISE CAPSLOCK.

LIONS AND TIGERS AND CAPSLOCK, OH MY! RYAN YELLED BECAUSE HE WAS IN CAPSLOCK.

SINCE EVERYTHING WAS IN CAPSLOCK, OUR HEROS WERE STRESSING AND YELLING SO MANY OF THEIR SENTENCES IN THE STORY, WE HAD TO DISCONTINUE THE CHAPTER SO ZEKE COULD MAKE THEM SOME LEMON TEA.

STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT EPISODE OF COOKING WITH MY MOM.

**That's righttttt! **


	8. One fine day

One fine day, Troy went to the grocery store and found a large penguin among the dairy.

One fine day, Gabriella threw a tree into the ocean and called it William.

One fine day, Chad read a book.

One fine day, Zeke made ducks into llamas and went to Wisconsin.

One fine day, Kelsi rode her motorcycle into the large home of the wild raccoons.

One fine day, Sharpay got a new hair cut and turned orange.

One fine day, Ryan skipped to Alaska and brought along many small furry animals in his pocket.

One fine day, Couch Bolton realized he was a panda and gave up on hiding it.

One fine day, Mrs. Darbus turned into an ice cream cone and melted away into the sewer.

One fine day, Chad's grandma became the Pope.

One fine day, CAPSLOCK turned into lowercase lock.

One fine day, you read this story and you cried, only after you reviewed.

THE END . . . for now!

Tune in next week for another episode of my mom's socks.


	9. MICROSOFT!

"MICROSOFT!" Ryan screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Shut up!" Sharpay yelled back, annoyed at her brother's stupidity.

"MICROSOFT!" Ryan screamed at the top of his lungs, again.

"SHUT THE HECK UP RYAN YOU MORON!" Sharpay yelled back again, annoyed at her brother's stupidity.

"MICROSOFT!" Ryan screamed at the top of his lungs, again, again.

Sharpay finally got so annoyed, that she opened the door to Ryan's room.

Inside, she was astonished.

There was a large MICROSOFT! attacking Ryan.

Sharpay ran to get the mop and the cookie sheet.

But it was too late. They were eaten.

The End.

P.S. HI! I'M CHAD'S GRANDMA AND I'M TAKING OVER THIS STORY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA giggles HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Look out there is a MICROSOFT! behind you.

P.P.S. This isn't Chad's Grandma anymore. She got the capslock and she is sick. Please wish for her to be better.

The End for now. Tune in next week for another episode of my garage's kids.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter… 10 I believe.

The Effects of Coffee on one, Troy Bolton

**Lesson one**: After drinking coffee please don't act like one, Troy Bolton.

"If it was raining I'd be a cloud!" one, Troy Bolton screamed as he ran through the halls of East High after consuming the entire pot of coffee from the teachers lounge, illegally of course.

**Lesson two:** When you are drinking coffee, do NOT! I repeat, do NOT offer any to one, Troy Bolton.

"Troy, would you like some coffee?" you ask, offering him your mug of steamy goodness.

"Coffee? COffee. COFfee. COFFee. COFFEe. COFFEE!!!" one, Troy Bolton exclaimed as the caps lock disease set in and one, Troy Bolton proceeded to do the Macarena as though he was an Egyptian belly dancer.

**Lesson three:** Before allowing one, Troy Bolton to consume coffee, never… I repeat times 23489745 never, allow him to have any sort of snack before hand.

"Here's some coffee Troy!" you shout merrily as you hand him the mug.

"Why thank you!" one, Troy Bolton replies . . . CONSUMING THE CUP IN ONE GULP, "COFFEE! I DEMAND MORE COFFEE!!!!"

**Lesson four: **Never leave one, Troy Bolton alone with coffee.

You are done taking your morning stroll, and hope that that pot of coffee you brewed before hand is done! You step into your kitchen, and find one, Troy Bolton sprawled out on the floor.

"COFFEE! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME?" he yells in agony.

You notice that there is no coffee left after the brewing, and grab your keys to hit Starbucks on the way to work instead.

**Lesson five: **Don't let one, Troy Bolton, read the rules on not allowing him to partake in the drinking of coffee.

These rules are only for your safety. Take them to heart. Live them breathe them. Be them-

is pushed away

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! IT WAS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD! ONE, TROY BOLTON-

One, Troy Bolton proceeds on a maniacal spree until I finally decide to make him some coffee

Anyone want some?


	11. A day at the Beach

**A/N: In honor of High School Musical 3, I have decided to update this long-lost fic. I'm warning you, it will still be scary and a bit painful, but bare with me . . . it's worth it. The crazy is on as the saga continues! Dun dun dun . . . **

Chapter 11 (I think)

It was oblong, but still slightly obese. It was purple and grotesque and bulbous and yellow and with polka dots.

It was . . .

The department store.

To Troy's knowledge, no one had ever entered the department store, and gotten out alive. As he entered, he felt tingle-ly. He felt the sudden urge to rip everything off the rack and try it on. He wanted to purchase the store.

As he was mesmerized and looking around, he ran into something.

IT WAS A PLASTIC PERSON WITH NO FACE AND IT WAS ALL WHITE!

It too seemed to have an interest in Junior's girl's sweaters, such as the one Tray had slipped on over his own shirt. He ran to the cash register and grabbed the price scanner, aiming it directly at the fierce creature.

It wasn't moving.

"Ah, a tricky one I see," Troy proclaimed.

He ran to the escalator, and realized he wasn't moving. The stairs were going down so he couldn't make his way up. This really was a treacherous place to be.

All the while, people were staring at him, and he wasn't quite sure why.

"AREN'T YOU PEOPLE AFRAID? I CAN'T GET OUT EITHER!!!!!!!!!!"

He continuously ran on that escalator, it was torture as he never made it to the top.

Chad liked mozzarella the best, but Gabriella was more of a gorgonzola girl.

As they fried their cheese of choice, Gorgonzoli-ella switched on some music to the tunes of Justin Timberlake.

It was like Christmas all over again.

**A(annoying)/N(nuisance): Peaches? Peaches anyone?**


End file.
